Yesterday I was finally able to start my medication for the PCOS. My OB put me on Clomid, which helps my brain release the right hormones so my ovaries produce and release an egg. Now its up to Hubby and I to get our timing right. 

The funny thing was that she warned me about some side effects. I have to laugh because the worst one is the lower back pain. My whole lower back is just sore. Other than that I have horrible hot flashes, but the water and opening the house up seems to be helping that. 

The one that she mentioned, that I am actually worried about, is the mood changes. I'm hoping to not turn into a massive B. So far I feel more mellow than normal. I can say that I hope this mellow feeling keeps up so the anxiety attacks go away. Hubby is extremely laid back so me walking around extra anxious all the time doesn't really help.

Maybe I'll have Hubby put a tent up in the backyard if the side effects get too much for him. :)

Not going to lie. It has been years since I went to a gym and worked out. I'm guessing at least 10 years or more. Since then I've done a few walks here and there. Even did some work out videos in my house, but never a "workout." I did the good little girl thing and put on my nice workout clothes that I brought years ago planning on working out. I took my bottle of water and drank it regularly. Don't want to dehydrate, pass out, or worse while working. I even worked for over an hour and a half! (Big deal for me when I get distracted by small...OH SQUIRREL!}

I'm not going to lie, it felt good to go and workout. It felt good to start the process and I'm looking forward to doing it again. Yet there were two things I did find out:

1. I'm STARVING!
2. Tomorrow is really going to hurt.

I don't know why, but I am so hungry right now. Yes, I did eat before I worked out. Yet, I still feel like I can eat a huge bowl of food. I'm just starving! While I type this I have a nice protein cooking.

The other part is, I haven't done this in ten years. I'm already feeling it. Tomorrow is going to SUCK! I have a strong feeling I won't really be able to walk much, but at least I'll know that it is all working.  Now I just need to keep going. If I stop the next time I actually do go it will hurt even more. 

Anyway, that's why they make Tylenol, right?

So, after years of trying and failing I finally have an answer to our infertility problems. I have PCOS.

The call came this morning. Two things went through my mind when I learned this: fear and relief. 

I fear the consequences of the wrong decisions, diet, and even exercise routine. PCOS, for those that are unsure of what it is, stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This is the cause of a lot of my physical and mental problems. (I get anxiety attacks, bouts of depression, constant fatigue, and uncontrollable weight gain.) I always thought it was because I was worried about something or I was being lazy. Now I know, these are symptoms of PCOS. I worry that all of this will lead to diabetes and cancer. PCOS is the precursor to both. That is where my fears lie. 

My relief comes with the knowledge of two things: I'm not alone and there is something that I can do about it. 

I spent most of my day doing research about PCOS since I first received the phone call. Thanks to Google and Pinterest I feel like I have a the beginning of a grasp on everything now. I also can see that even though a small percentage of women have PCOS, many are still able to conceive and have more children. They just need to work for it a little harder (no pun intended) than other couples.

I like that there are groups out there for people with this same problem that have a lot of information I can learn from through their experiences. I am also comforted that I know God will see our family through this and help me make the right decisions. 

There are still a few questions that I need answered before I can make any major decisions regarding my health. 

1. What foods CAN I eat. There seems to be a lot of information out there about what not to eat and that's just disheartening. What can I eat that my family will actually like too?
2. Is there a natural way to help balance my hormones with out having to take a wheel barrel load of pills and supplements.?
3. Does this automatically mean that I'll end up with diabetes?
4. What are my actual chances of getting pregnant again?
5. What are the first signs that the changes I'm making are the right choices for my body?

One thing I keep noticing in all of the early research that has been consuming most of my day is that this is a life long battle. 40% of women with PCOS will have full blown diabetes by the time they reach middle age. I don't want to be part of that number! That means it's time to fight and Lord knows I never turn down a good fight. :)

Let me paint a picture for you. It's 1:20 in the morning. You're asleep dreaming about Robert Downey Jr. in his Iron Man suit when a blood curdling cry snaps you out of your blissful slumber. Next thing you hear is a seal barking, preschooler screaming and crying, and your confused husband trying to get him to calm down and go pee. 

This was my Friday morning. After a little bit of research and my husband's sleep filled memory clearing we realized our baby boy had croup. The rest of the night was filled with me waking up to boost my son back into an inclined position so he could breathe easier.  Hubby ended up taking the day off of work and I went in for a half day.

Here we are a day later and the cough is getting better as long as he doesn't speak, move, or lay down. (Because you know four-year-olds are perfect at that.) His breathing is still pretty labored and if he moves too much his lips start to go pale. 

Here's my main issue: he didn't get this from our house. There are only three of us in the house. Two adults and him. Neither do Mommy or Daddy have croup. This means that some intelligent parent sent their child to school with this extremely contagious virus. (I have a good idea about which poor little student has it, too.)

***Enter Soap Box***
If you have a child that is ill and contagious do the world a favor and KEEP THEM HOME FROM SCHOOL! For crying out loud, is your pay check worth more that your child's health! FYI, school is not a baby sitter. Our job is not to nurse your child back to health, it's to educate children to the best of our abilities. If you don't like it then you have two options: Home school your child, or STOP BREEDING! 

***Exiting Soap Box***

On a non-frustrated note: I really hope that my child gets better sooner rather than later. At this point if he's not feeling better by Monday we'll have to take him to the doctor's for steroids. That is as big fear of mine. We are big on not taking medication. I even struggle with taking anything when my knee is acting up or I have a migraine. The thought of making my little boy take something really does bother me. 

We'll just keep praying that all goes well and we can avoid the steroids.

When I was in school our teacher forced us to play The Oregon Trail. It was a way for us to learn how to use computers and to learn about something that we were actually attempting to understand at the time. 

Most of my friends enjoyed it. I was not a huge fan. I never truly understood the point of the game. 

Now that I am a history teacher, (although not just a history teacher this year,) I can see the value in the game. This got me to thinking...If it was on a disk and loved so much all these years ago, it should be available on line right? RIGHT! 

I found it. The original too at Virtual Apple.

I did have to download an extension for Google Chrome to use because this is an Apple product from 1985. However, I was able to play the game with ease and I actually found it fun this time. 

Sadly, I did manage to drown Timmy in the Missouri River. Poor Timmy.

After many years of working hard and trying so many different things I can finally say I am on a good DOWNWARD slope with my weight!

WOO-WHO!

Since I started keeping track in August, I've gone from 209 to 188. Heck yeah!

Here's the thing, I'm not quite sure what I'm doing different now than before that is helping me lose all of this weight so quickly. (Most of it has disappeared in the past couple of months.) 

I did start drinking more water, I'm guessing that had a lot to do with it. I'm always on my feet moving too. I really do not have any down time at work this year. 

Whatever it is, it's working and I couldn't be more excited to see how low I can go.

Something I've enjoyed doing for a bit now was writing short stories to teach about different Biblical character traits that I see are missing from our world today. Since this is my sounding board and I enjoy sharing things with the world, I'm going to start posting them here. 

Please feel free to read, enjoy, share, and use them.

Mommy scooted closer to me on my bed. It was time for one of her stories. I’m ten-years-old, but my mother has been telling me her stories since I first started sleeping in my big-boy-bed years ago. I know that most kids my age start thinking things like this are pretty lame, but I still enjoyed the time with my mother each night.

This night was no different than all of the others. She tucked the blanket up to my chin, cleared her throat and started her stories the same way all of the great stories began:

Long ago, in a faraway land, there was a prince. This prince had a mother and father that ruled over a large and rich area. Because his mother and father were so rich, the prince was a spoiled child. If he asked for it, his mother and father granted his wish. As a young child his requests were for toys and trinkets that caught his eye. When he became a young adult he started to request fine horses and sporting partners. All he ever could see in his life was privilege and more riches than he could desire.

Right before the prince’s birthday the king and queen requested to see him. “My child,” said the king, “you have been privileged all your life. We have never asked anything of you as you were growing-up. Now, as you become a man, your mother and I have one request of you.”

“Son,” the queen continued. “Before we are granted leave of this world, we ask that you find yourself a wife.” The prince thought of what his parents were asking. He didn’t see a problem with this request and was starting to imagine his future bride. A beautiful woman of vast wealth fit his fancy.

“I will gladly find myself a wife,” the prince spoke to his parents, “but she must be the most beautiful woman in our land. I will settle for no less than a woman who is the envy of all around her. Send your men to bring me all of the beauties in the land so that I might choose whom will be my wife.” As they have always done in the past, the king and queen did as their child said.

Young woman after young woman was introduced to the prince for all over the land. One by one he had some snide claim about each woman. One was too short, another too tall, and yet another had one eye a slight bit higher than the other. All the women brought before the prince were brought before him as if he were picking a fine piece of horse flesh.

After several months of searching the prince was about to tell his parents that he changed his mind and refused to marry when she was brought before him. She was a beautiful young woman named Rebekah. She had red hair and striking blue eyes that pierced to the soul of each person she gazed upon. Her skin was the color of milk and looked as soft as silk. The prince was smitten with her from the moment her toe passed over the threshold of his throne room.

“Beautiful woman, what is your name?” the prince inquired.

“Rebekah,” she answered with her eyes downcast and her head bowed.

“Rebekah, today is the day that you meet your future. Be my wife and you will have everything you could ever imagine.” The prince looked to the other men in his thorn room and smiled expecting Rebekah to say yes. After all, who would turn down the prince?

“No, Sir. I will not be your wife.” The prince’s face fell. All who were in the room became silent. Rebekah glanced up at the prince to see if he was still there, for she feared that her answer was made to an empty room.

“Dear woman, what did you say?”

“No, Sir, I will not be your wife.” At this, the prince ordered Rebekah to be taken to the lowest level of the dungeon. He thought that she will surly say yes after she’s had to spend time in the most deplorable conditions for even the most evil of criminals. Rebekah was taken to the lowest level of the dungeon and there she stayed until the prince beckoned her a week later.

As Rebekah entered the prince noticed that she had not been able to bathe before she was brought before him. He saw her clothes torn and dirt smeared across her cheek. Surly she will say yes this time, if not to just get out of the dungeon the prince thought to himself.

“Dear woman, have you had time to rethink your decision?”

“Yes.”

“And what answer have you this time.”

“No, Sir, I will not be your wife.” Flabbergasted, and frustrated, the prince sent Rebekah back into the dungeon.

“If a week did not change her mind,” the prince said to the guards, “then a month will have her begging to be my queen.”

After a month of being in the dungeon, Rebekah was brought before the prince again. Again she was seen filthy. However, the prince still had set his mind on having her for his wife. Again he asked Rebekah to be his wife. Again, Rebekah denied him the same way as she had before, “No, Sir, I will not be your wife.” Again, the prince had her placed in the dungeon.

This ceremony went on for a full year. Finally, the prince was becoming frustrated, and tired of Rebekah continuing to tell him no. He had made the decision that if she said no this time he would let her go free. The prince ordered Rebekah to be brought up from the dungeon. This time he ordered that she be allowed to bathe and be given new clothes, as hers were too tattered for her to wear any further.

“Rebekah, each month I have my guards bring you before me. Each month I as if you have reconsidered being my wife. Each month you have said no. Today is the last time that I will ask this of you. Rebekah, will you be my wife?” The prince waited, holding his breath and knowing that he will be disappointed at her response.

“Dear prince, until this time you have never asked me to be you wife. You stood on your stage in front of me like a petulant child demanding that I marry you. When you heard what you did not want to hear you locked me in a cold and damp cellar to suffer while you threw your tantrum for a month. Month after month this continued. At no point did you ever ask me to be your wife.” The prince looked at Rebekah in the eye and realized she was correct. He never asked. He assumed that she would be his wife because he wanted her to be.

“Humility is a hard lesson to learn as a child and almost an impossible one as an adult. I could never marry a man who was not humble, for he would never be a man. He would always be a small child.” Rebekah took a deep breath as she watched the prince’s reaction. He stood stock still. The anger that was always evident in his eyes seem to wash away in an instant and was replaced with a look of shame.

“Beautiful Rebekah, I am so very sorry. You are right. I have been acting like a small child. I have never learned how to not get what I’ve wanted. Now I see that I cannot treat a person as an object, but as an equal. Will you ever forgive me for the way I have treated you?”

Rebekah knew what she had to do at this point.

“Prince, I will forgive you, for you were still a child when you sinned against me. You have learned what humility is. It is not when a person feels as if they are less than another, but when a person learns that he cannot always receive what he wishes and become better for that loss.”

“I understand if you wish to leave. I will make sure that you have all that you need for your journey and bid you farewell.”

“My prince, I do not wish to leave. I do wish to marry you.” The prince’s eyes widened. Disbelief washed over his features.

“But, how? I have wronged you so?” the prince said as he walked toward her in wonderment at this woman. How could someone who was treated so heinously be willing to give her life over to her tormentor? It made no sense to the prince.

She took his hands and for once looked up at the prince as he stood directly in front of her. She spoke in what was barely a whisper, “Because, Prince, you have learned that before you can be first you must be last.” At this the prince leaned down and kissed her hand. He knew that he wanted Rebekah because she was beautiful, but now he wanted her because she was wise too.

Mark 9:33 - 35

One thing I've wanted to do for an extremely long time is be able to homeschool my son. Sadly, because I do work full-time this isn't a viable option. We, my husband and I, cannot afford to have me quit working full-time and helping support our family. 

However, no one said that I still couldn't do homeschooling curriculum with him when I am home.

We still are not sure where we are going to have him go to school when kindergarten starts. (My husband wants the local public school and I want a place where he will actually come out better than he went in.) We are in the process of actually talking about if he's going to school next year or if we'll keep him out until he's six. 

In my world, I would love to keep him out for kindergarten and homeschool him for at least that year. I'll know that he'll have a strong foundation when he starts first grade. No matter where he ends up.

With this in mind I have been looking at different resources that might just work for our family and my soon to be extremely busy summer "vacation." 

Yes, I did Pinterest a lot of different activities. Because I'm a school teacher, I also have some other resources readily available to me. Yet, I still feel as if I'm short in some areas. 

I do know that I need to focus heavier on reading and Bible study with him. He loves math and anything to do with math. He loves science too, right now, because it is so hands on and he's a very kinesthetic child. This does not bode too well for basic reading. 

Thankfully, at the pre-school age it is easier to find activities for him to do than my current classroom of 5th graders. (The older the child, the harder to find hands-on reading activities.)

As I find supplies and resources I will gladly share, but I don't see that happening until further into the "school summer." 

I'm pretty sure I wrote about this awhile ago, but I might as well mention it again. Back in 2011 I had a miscarriage. Since then my husband and I haven't had a successful pregnancy. Each month has been filled with frustration and agitation as every woman's most hated aunt returns for her visit.

This has led me to question why JR and I are trying so hard and why did I stop doing some things I started over the summer. 

To answer the first question all I have to do is look at this stinkin' adorable face and I just know why we want another child. Harry is such a wonderful kid. He's kind and gentle most of the time. He's also a silly handful that I can't seem to get enough of. 

Jr and I just really want to give him a brother (because we know the gene pool on his side of the family is filled with all x's) to play with and have a bond with. Something I wish would have happened along time ago.

So, what have we done to help our chances? I did go see my OB/GYN awhile back (like 2 almost 3 years ago) about it. Now we just can't afford the doctor visit. (Thank you Obamacare.) I've tried tracking my temps before, but they were all over creation. There was never a real stable reading. One night I was over heated my temp was at 97 something and then next night I was fine and my temp was at 96 something. Heck even when I was comfortable my temps were all over.

So here is my goal: start taking and tracking my temps again. Who knows, maybe they're settling down. Also, I really need to go to the doctor for my yearly visit that is at least 2 years over due. Finally, back to the losing weight thing. I am glad to say that I'm under 190, but that varies by day and time of month.

Oh well. It's a new year. Maybe we'll get our rainbow baby in 2014. 

In Northeast Ohio it has reached a whole 33 degrees today! That's a heat wave compared to where we are going. 

Yeah, Tuesday, I'm talking to you and your high of -2!

Either way, cold weather makes us want to eat something filling and warm. In our house, it's homemade chili.

The best thing about this recipe: IT'S A CROCK POT MEAL! Lovin' my crock pot during the school year. It requires little work and I can have dinner ready by the time I get home. Never mind that I usually make enough to last us two days.